Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Beautiful, Bountiful and Bounceable...

Did you see Letterman last night?

First Dave quizzed Rupert Gee about all he's done over the past twelve years to help build his Hello Deli business, to which Rupert responded in his usual nonplussed manner. Next, he asked Rupert to take a walk down the street to 53rd and Broadway to take in the unveiling of a massive billboard. Wow! It was an Oprah moment… the billboard featured Rupert larger than life looking incredibly dapper, and was Dave’s way of saying thanks… shucks. Check it out here.

The top 10 list featured slogans for a new soda that raises your libido, called Turn On. Number five on the list was “Available in ‘Classic’ or ‘Brokeback’.” Full list available here. Now, I ask you, is that going to be a new term for all things gay?

Funny thing was, moments later, there was an ad for ‘Brokeback Mountain’ and I thought wouldn’t it be wonderful if the movie swept the Oscars… send a message to the White House and all the Red States? Yep, Heath Ledger for Best Actor, Jake Gyllenhaal for Best Supporting Actor, Ang Lee for Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Picture… I can always dream.

Bootyliscious… a term coined by Beyonce Knowles… what a stunning woman, charming and humble and so talented… who wishes, had she known it was going to be in the dictionary, it had been another word of her choosing… Her definition: beautiful, bountiful and bounceable…

Which reminded me… on my first trip to the subway in New York, I’d been equipped with a metro pass. Unfamiliar with the system, I didn’t know whether I needed to buy a ticket for the value of the distance I was traveling, as in the London tube for example.

The bootyliscious woman couldn’t hear me through the plate glass speaker and opened the door to explain that all I had to do was swipe the card. It was all the same price.

On only four hours sleep, I was feeling particularly dense. I swiped the card one way. No effect. Swiped another. Same effect. Nothing.

The lady, all voluptuous five feet of her in her not-the-most-attractive uniform that she somehow managed to make sexy, hollered for everyone to hear, “Ma’am, you do know how to swipe don’t you?”

“Apparently, not.”

She stepped out of her safety zone, took the card from my hand, turned it around, and placed it back in my hand.

“Oops. Thank you,” just as a woman, in her forties with a full head of expensive blonde hair and elegant attire, passed by and gave me a sympathetic smile.

“I’m still on California time and not used to being in public this early.”

“I know what you mean,” and went on to tell me how she’d left New York to live in Georgia and her company had lured her back, which she was thrilled about because she was miserable and missed New York, and it had all happened so quickly and she was still up to her eyes in boxes and off to work on a big client account…

“You’re still reeling,” I said.

“Reeling? That’s exactly what I am,” she replied.

Those are just two of the strangers who extended kindness to me…

Now, for me, Letterman is just the prelude to Craig.

If you didn’t catch Craig’s comparison of a surfer to a drunk last night, it was hilarious and can be seen on the CBS website… permanent link to which is on the right of this column.

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