Saturday, April 22, 2006

San Francisco -- Where the World is your Oyster...

So, Monday night, I’m sitting in class at City College when a demure lady intervenes offering free tix to an event at Herbst Theater… something vague… opera, drums, Butoh. It sounded like a collection of various world artists to my ears. I instantly think of my cabaret pal, the talented Ms. H, and stick my hand up. How bad could it be?

I’m here to tell you… it was ‘interesting’, but definitely not something I would pay $30 to see and thankfully didn’t. I think we got the gist after two loooong songs and absconded to higher grounds, i.e Ms. H’s pal Ben’s pad on top of Twin Peaks.

Ben is a transplant from Mississippi, so we had a nice chat about catastrophes such as hurricanes, tsunamis and earthquakes, and his soon-to-be-released CD, which I'm sure won't be a catastrophe. The munchies, I mean hunger, kicked in and Ms. H and I headed to my stomping grounds in Cole Valley and the very dependable Kezar Bar whose kitchen stays open late.

Well, at least we aimed to be cultural… and I suppose we succeed ~ Polynesian cocktails at Trader Vics, Japanese Opera, Mississippi Delta, and historic San Francisco.

By the way, Ms. H will be appearing in the World Premiere Showcase of Viva Concha! Rose of the Presidio at the Victorian Theater, May 5-7. Check it out.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Out and 'Bout on the Town

There was a time when I used to see Jerry aka Jerusha, “the Last Single Girl in the World,” a lot, but that was when I was in advertising and she owned a store selling spiritual goods… in other words, a couple of lives ago.

Now I learn she’s written “The Single Girl’s Manifesta” for the woman who wants to have it all without having to tie the knot. Well, duh! Why didn’t I think of that? I need to get out more...

Jerusha’s appearing at the W next Thursday night… The W informs me that space is limited, so if you want to get in the door, better rsvp now.

By the way, MAPP is this Saturday, where you’ll find me out trolling the Mission with Mr. A... that's what I call 'getting out'!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

As the World Goes Round...

Move over Marvelous Michael and make way for Magnificent Matt… well, this blog isn’t called sassy and single for no good reason!

So, I was propositioned online as to whether I might like a boy toy. No beating around the bush, no BS, just this is what I'm about. What do you say?

Heck, I ‘like’ toys and I *love* my boys ~ so a boy who’s also a toy and a real pretty one at that… well, a girl just has to check it out. And
check it out I did.

Magnificent Matt is a name well earned. He comes fully loaded, equipped with all his own boy toys, you know, all the techno gadgets ~ surround sound, projector screen, wireless on-demand tunes, movies, or… well, use your own imagination (we did!) ~ at the drop of a hat. Did I say hat? I meant… I digress. He's totally chill, has the sexiest voice ever, knows how to treat a lady... what’s not to like? Thank heaven for truth in advertising ~ finally!

On the other hand, Mr. A was stood up two Saturday nights in a row by some moron. Sorry, Dud (pun intended), I don’t care how cute your Mulatto, cello playing, disadvantaged child teaching ass is… you might as well have loser tattooed on it. And, don’t worry, Mr. A agrees. In fact, I inadvertently injected him with a doze of my own sass and he called the loser ~ okay, his name is Mario ~ and told him exactly what he thought… Bravo!

Meanwhile, Frankie has been tearing up the town (oh, it’s a little, okay a lot, more private than that) with a cute tenor… must make for melodic harmonies;-) ;-)

Ms. D is in town from LA and bemoaning the standstill of her own long distance love affair. It seems Mr. Chatty Kathy likes to call her on the phone all the time and then take time off with no warning. That’s not how it works, loser. You can’t possibly hope to make her your wife by playing Houdini and I’m her girlfriend to tell her so! Besides, before making wedding plans, how about making a plane reservation so that you can actually meet? Just a thought.

Can’t blame my girlfriend for indulging in a little fantasy ~ everybody needs a little titillation ~ it’s what keeps the world going round… that, and a few greenbacks don’t hurt. Which brings me to the sore point of my poor little street-beat Miata… but I’ll save that for another day.

Happy Centennial!

Quakes, Shakes and Flakes...

The whirlwind continues... We had the premiere of our film last Thursday night at the Jarvis Conservatory in Napa, hosted by our Executive Producers Debra and Paul Johnson.

The Conservatory was a former winery transformed by William Jarvis and several million dollars into the stunning theater it is now and features opera on the first Saturday of every month for an incredibly low $15.

The Johnsons did everything first class… candles and bouquets of gorgeous flowers everywhere, hors d’oeuvres and crab cocktails in abundance, as were delicious wines from their winery Astrale e Terra. My favorite was the Arcturus 2001… an amazing Bordeaux blend.

Disappointing, however, was that our film, which was scheduled to show on the big outdoor screens on Market Street during this morning’s pre-dawn centennial commemorative didn’t. This may be politically incorrect for me to say, but since when did I care about flakes, I mean, politicians? The Mayor vetoed the film because he wanted to keep things upbeat with no scenes of destruction… which kind of is the point of the film. Back in '06 the politicos conspired to downplay the death and destruction caused by the earthquake because they didn’t want to scare off investors… hence the death toll was officially in the hundreds instead of the true thousands… and the historians are still counting. Gavin was awfully cute with handful of survivors who made it to the dais, wasn't he though? And aren’t our police chief, fire chief, and emergency services chief fabulous? All women, in case you didn’t notice.

So, here's the clip from our film that you should have seen... You can buy the DVD on Amazon.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Damnedest, Finest Ruins

We premiered our film last night to a select group invited to celebrate the birthday of Mr. John Casey in his historic Fire Station atop Russian Hill… very apropos, very lovely evening. The film was well received, which shouldn’t be a surprise… and we’re looking forward to Thursday when we’re having an invitation-only premiere at the Jarvis Conservatory in Napa, which promises to be a swell do…

Meanwhile, National Geographic is having a premiere this evening for their documentary on the 1906 earthquake, red carpet rolled out for the VIP reception… to which we’re also looking forward, but I don’t imagine there’ll be too many fancy gowns in this weather… where are my wellie boots?

Speaking of clowns, I mean gowns, no actually…

There is finally a site that I’ve wanted to create forever… Just think, before you commit to that go-see and stress out about your hair, make-up, clothes, wax, pedicure, manicure… you name it, hopefully, not all at once, and if so, I hope it’s for more than a cup of coffee, even then you have my sympathy… you can input a man’s handle and check out whether he’s a “true dater”… or not, as the case may be. The site is new and so, obviously, doesn’t cover the gamut of who’s out there, so, it’s up to us to maintain gender solidarity and show those men… and apparently, there’s a lot of them… that we’re tired of their games (which I imagine will spark a new game -- spot the dater's new handle). Not that it’s all about being mean… if you meet someone you like, but is simply not a match for you, then post that too. But, before you do, might want to check that you’re who you say you are!!!

You know what they say about people in glass houses throwing stones… could lead to ruin, though they may be damned fine ones.

Friday, April 07, 2006

La Plastic Stone...

Have you seen Sharon in Basic Instinct 2? I guess there’s nothing like a block-bomb to show off your newly designed tits! Heck, I don’t know if it’s because I’m envious but all that plastique – wow! She must have really wanted to get back at old Phil. Now the papers say she wants to be a rock star… or make that a stone star… maybe it’s just a stoner. Did you see her on Letterman recently… the once intelligent woman who took Hollywood by storm did nothing but giggle at the camera.

To shake off the imagery, I snuck into Failure to Launch. I’ve always liked Matthew McConaughey’s boyish charm. In this flick Matthew, who’ll be 37 this year, is pitted against Sarah Jessica Parker, 41, as his love interest. It’s clear these two have not indulged in any surgery and look all the more real for it. However, Zooey Deschanel was the scene stealer in this cute, predictable romantic comedy where thankfully Kathy Bates did not remove her clothes… instead leaving that to Terry Bradshaw, who for the record will turn 56 in September.

Okay, so sometimes we prefer our nudity to look pretty… go Shar!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

The Path to Hell...

If you haven’t caught my drift before… is paved with good intentions.

Hence when the delightful Ms. D announced she was visiting from La-La-Land, I offered the notion of a trip to Saturday’s Farmers’ Market with a plan to cook for ‘the boys’, envisioning a fun, casual day with a gal pal and a night with my two favorite men.

Lovely plan.

Ms. D asked whether she could invite her gay brother, a worthy potential partner for either of the boys. I said, of course.” Now we were five and I don’t like odd numbers around my dinner table.

Mr. A said, “Dinner would be lovely. Have you thought about inviting the supreme Ms. S?”

No problem. Left Ms. S a voicemail. All the better, in fact. Ms. S is going to Paris. Ms. D used to live in Paris. I love Paris… French food for dinner. Menu settled.

This conversation occurred while I was with Marvelous Michael. Of course, he was invited to join us. Back to the odd number. Aaah… I’d been thinking that Ms. S might perchance like the divine Mr. D. No problem.

Quick phone call to Mr. D and he was on board. What a lovely thing to look forward to… a dinner party for eight chez moi.

Then Ms. S called to say that she was in fact leaving for Paris this Friday. Damn.

A quick call to Mr. D. “Invite Beastie (ugly name, beautiful woman) to join us.” Okay. Breathe again.

Marvelous Mike didn’t show for our supposed date. Darn.

Mr. D called to ask whether it would screw up the plan if he invited his brother Pat instead of Beastie, explaining that his bro, while technically not a refugee since he was already planning to leave New Orleans, was still in fact a refugee because he hadn’t packed his belongings when the hurricane hit... and besides, he owed him a phone call. What am I to say? “Of course, he can come.”

So, six men, two women… it’ll still work.

Except that, as of this minute, Marvelous Michael, soon to be know as the former MM still hasn't explained his alien abduction, so we’re five men and two women…

Anyone free for dinner Saturday night? I’m a great cook!

p.s. I noticed that I'm developing bags under my eyes throughout all this.. could that be why Marvelous Mike has chosen alien abduction over my great cooking? Inquiring minds want to know.

There's Sex in the City and then there's...

Sex in San Francisco.

Now, while I may think that of the four characters, Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda, I most resemble Samantha, the fact is that I’m simply not her. Maybe if I lived in Manhattan where gorgeous men are in abundance, as the show pertains there to be, the fact is I live in San Francisco where things are well, different.

Witness the amount of single gorgeous gals and guys I know, and of whom I hear, that struggle in this city to get, not just laid, but make any kind of connection at all. So, it comes as a surprise when I hear of great ‘connections’ between people (men and men, women and women, women and men, what's the difference?) that never amount to anything beyond one date.

Is it because we’re all too afraid of settling? Or does having that one great date lead us to believe that it’s only a sign of better things to come… right around the corner… which leads us to forget that in fact that great date really was a great date and you’re a fool for letting it go?

Not that I’m in danger of becoming Carrie either. Just asking a question. Can anybody answer?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

On the Path to Hell with Good, Good, Good Vibrations

A tid-bit from GenArt Pulse got me thinking… that when it comes to a first date, you’re damned if you do. And… you’re damned if you don’t.

Therefore, to ensure a good time on that path to hell, let’s take control and keep a handy-dandy vibrating cock ring on, well, on hand.

Maybe I’ve been too up to my eyes in vibrations of another nature aka earthquakes, so I decided to do a little research and see what other goodies are out there to aid in our delight.

First on the list, the vibrating condom available at Vibrating Condom, which looks like a cock ring to me and since it says that it can be used with any condom, I assume you have to have a condom in addition to the gadget. At $7.95 a pop, its selling point is that “the female partner is completely satisfied without much effort from the man.” Okay.

There’s a better photo and explanation at Condom Mania. I guess the cleaner imagery justifies the $1 price increase… just so you know. Also on Condom Mania, a wide variety of vibrating rings with names like Berrylicious, Ring of Fire, Sinful Butterfly, Heart On, and not to be missed... Safari.

Into the bath where -- anyone who knows me knows, I spend hours at a time every chance I get -- it looks to me like every gal should own a waterproof personal massager disguised as a rubber duck in bondage aka “I Rub My Duckie Massager!” And, it looks like I’ll be spending a loooot more time in the bath.

Undercover Condoms features six vibrating condom rings… okay, so I get it now, it’s not the actual condom that vibrates… ranging from $4.95 to $9.95. Of note, they all seem to last 20 minutes with the exception of MeritJoy, the least expensive, which lasts up to 40 and is also adjustable for those lucky “above average size.”

Over at Good Vibrations, they offer similar products one of which has a, naturally, San Francisco twist, i.e. made of leather… I think I’ll stick with the rubber animals;-)

Well, that’s all for now folks… If my boss reads this he’ll wonder when exactly it was I had time to do all this research.

Et Voila...

Just like that with no change in settings, we're back in action.

Which makes up for being bummed last night... no, not because the dude didn't call... but because CBS in its wisdom has changed the Amazing Race to Wednesdays... mmh, I guess the Evidence must be giving them a run for their money. Oh well, it'll give me something to hurry home to after Italian class with the gals tonight.

I promise, now that this blogging bug-a-boo is fixed, I'll get back to more interesting story-telling... guess that means I better get my ass out there and create some!

Tedious Blogging...

Okay. It didn’t post. Now I’m sending it by email... Oh, a blogger’s work is never done.

Tedious blogging...

I was testing the possibility of posting this blog on my own web site, played with the ftp settings, decided it wasn't worth the hassle, and now I can't get back to normal publishing... boohoo:-(

I tested the ability to post via email. It works. That is if you don't mind your apostrophes being 1s and your elipses being a foreign oversized S. I do.

So, this is a test to see whether this will post.

I will say, whatever fun there is in being able to post instant messages to the world disappears when you have to spend this much time getting the damned thing to work:-0

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Who needs a man when we have...

The Amazing Race! Woo hoo.

I completely forgot that it was on tonight... I hope the teams are continuing in Sicily... which I *love*.

And, there's a chance I might get to work on a doc about the 1908 earthquake in Sicily... fingers crossed XOXO

Another one bites the dust...

You just never know… a guy can seem like the most sincere person on the planet and even fool your friends, all the while making plans with you not just for the next date, but for months to come…. mmh! I guess that should have been the tip off. Nobody gets that enthusiastic on a first date and when they do… buyer beware. Oh well, it was a fun fantasy for a minute there… and it was a fun night!

I’m talking about the guy I went out with on Saturday... thought we had a date tonight, but here it is closing in on 6 o’clock and not a peep. Next!

V for Vendetta – see it at the iMax – it’s worth the extra five bucks. Frankie and I did after tea at Samovar and pre cocktails with Cockateilia at LJs… which led to hooking up with Mr. A at Deco for Amateur Strip night. No, no, Mr. A wasn’t stripping and he surely wouldn’t be an ‘amateur’. I’m talking about gay boys taking their clothes off and prancing around in their undies… hilarious fun.