Someone's Else's List for Summer...

I was so happy to come across this list. Just last week I renewed my gym membership, so number 1 check. That was half-way due to checking off number 2, though if you read this post a few weeks ago, you know that number 2 took care of me ~ thank heavens a man can make more sense than a woman on occasion:) And if you didn't read the post, then just know that I'm single again ~ out with the old (literally), bring on the new! See, I'm already ahead of the wardrobe game, number 3 check. I also just revamped my apartment and resumed yoga after my May 7th crash, number 4 check. Ooh, number 5 is a tough one... unless Amy's house in Mill Valley applies:) Number 6 is a no-brainer, currently reading Water for Elephants and The Russian Concubine, skimmed Eckhart Tolle's latest ~ nothing new to learn there. I do believe independent filmmaking comes under the category of volunteering ~ and, heck, if I ever make a penny out of the deal, I will be so giving 10% of it away! Number 8... so funny they chose screenplay as the example ~ since, I'm in screenwriting class every Tuesday 10 months of the year, check. Number 9, always a factor, check. Number 10 ~ off to LA for the weekend with a group of super fun friends. Phew! that was the easiest list ever:) Thank you Social Divas (http://www.socialdiva.com)

1. Get in Shape — No one, and we repeat, NO ONE has an excuse to be unhealthy. With all the extra hours on your hands, there’s never been a better time to get to it! It’s bikini season, after all.

2. Drop Your Seasonal Fling — Yes, we mean the guy you were hanging on to because, though it was alarmingly cold outside, his feet always managed to stay miraculously warm. He might have been a great snuggler, but who wants to cuddle when it’s 90 degrees outside?

3. Rid Yourself of Wardrobe Malfunctions — Now that the season is over, go through your dressers and closets and pull out anything that has a hole in it, doesn’t fit, or you can’t remember wearing it during the cooler months. Give those items to Goodwill or your fashionista niece. After all, if you didn’t wear it this year, chances of you wearing it in 2009 are slimmer than an Olsen twin.

4. Become a Zen Master — After you clean the clutter out of your wardrobe and your love life, start clearing out any of that pesky spiritual dead weight. Meditate, do some yoga, center your Chi. Trust us, after being cooped up all winter, your mind could use a good dose of positive affirmation.

5. Find a Summer House — If you don’t have one yet, GET ON IT! Find a friend, a friend’s friend or, what the hell, make a new friend and get yourself some digs by the beach.

6. Read a Book (NOT a book on tape) — As confessed reality TV fanatics, we know how hard it can be to shut off the tube during your vegetation time. Use your extra hours this summer to read something enriching.

7. Volunteer — You always wished you could, but you could never find the time. Now you have no excuse! Part of being a Social Diva is helping other Divas in their time of need. Sign up to be a counselor at your local women’s shelter, join the Boys & Girls Club… do something to enrich the lives of others. How very noble you’ll feel!

8. Get Schooled! — Have you always wanted to learn how to create your own jewelry? Learn how to sew so you can make your own fabulous duds? Get the skinny on how to write a good screenplay? Start looking into some classes that interest you and use your extra hours to learn something new.

9. Go Green — Spend a little time finding new ways to make your casa a little greener. Change out those lightbulbs, replace your air filter, or consult with some experts to find some more ways to reduce those icky carbon emissions.

10. Relax Already — You lead a busy life, Diva, and you deserve some ‘me’ time, too. So splurge on that day at the spa, or go lay by the pool for a few hours and (gasp) shut off your Blackberry. After all, you’ve earned it!

A Woman Should Have...

Here's the list I actually live by:

A Woman Should Have:

• One old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come...
• Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
• Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an an hour...
• A youth she's content to leave behind...
• A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...
• A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lacy bra...
• One friend who makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
• A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
• Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guest feel honored...
• A feeling of control over her destiny.

Every Woman Should Know:

• How to fall in love without losing herself... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
• When to try harder... and when to walk away...
• That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
• That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over...
• What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
• How to live alone, even if she doesn't like it...
• Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
• Where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...
• What she can and cannot accomplish in a day... a month... a year.
  

And for the Gentlemen...

I wouldn't want any male readers of this little blog to feel left out, so here's an abridged version of a Woman's 50 Rules for Men:

1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. If guy's night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
4. If guy's night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: no petting.
5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
6. Ditto for is she prettier than me?
7. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
8. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
9. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
10. Dishsoap is your friend.
11. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
12. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
13. Answering "Who was on the phone? with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
14. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
15. Two words: clean socks.
16. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
17. Burping is not sexy.
18. You're wrong.
19. You're sorry.
20. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
21. Ditto for your discourse on football.
22. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
23. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
24. Don't assume PMS does not exist.
25. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 pm.
26. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
27. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
28. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
29. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
30. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
31. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
    
32. Call.
33. Don't lie.
34. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
    

Buzz, buzz, buzz....

The irony of having a zillion things to blog about is that I can't find the time to blog about them... and then I come across a handy-dandy list and feel compelled to share, especially in light of recent experiences, which, I might add, I am so totally over. I have learned that a) if the guy says he's an idiot, believe him; b) if he says you're too good for him, believe him; and c) if he says he's wasting your time, move on!

So, here, my lovely ladies is a Woman's Little Instruction Book (to be taken with a grain of salt):

1. Never do housework. No man every made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
2. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
3. Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in nappies.
4. What to do you if your boyfriend walks out? Shut the door.
5. The reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
6. Go for younger men. You might as well ~ they never mature anyway.
7. Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.
8. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
9. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
10. Women don't make fools of men ~ most of them are the do-it-yourself type.
11. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
12. The children of Israel wondered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
14. Remember, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
16. The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of a "former boyfriend."