Thursday, May 22, 2008

And for the Gentlemen...

I wouldn't want any male readers of this little blog to feel left out, so here's an abridged version of a Woman's 50 Rules for Men:
  1. Call.
  2. Don't lie.
  3. If guy's night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
  4. If guy's night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: no petting.
  5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
  6. Ditto for is she prettier than me?
  7. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
  8. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
  9. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
  10. Dishsoap is your friend.
  11. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
  12. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
  13. Answering "Who was on the phone? with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
  14. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
  15. Two words: clean socks.
  16. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
  17. Burping is not sexy.
  18. You're wrong.
  19. You're sorry.
  20. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
  21. Ditto for your discourse on football.
  22. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
  23. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
  24. Don't assume PMS does not exist.
  25. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 pm.
  26. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
  27. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
  28. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
  29. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
  30. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
  31. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
  32. Call.
  33. Don't lie.
  34. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

No comments:

Post a Comment