Here's the list I actually live by:
A Woman Should Have:
- One old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come...
- Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
- Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an an hour...
- A youth she's content to leave behind...
- A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...
- A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lacy bra...
- One friend who makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
- A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
- Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guest feel honored...
- A feeling of control over her destiny.
Every Woman Should Know:
- How to fall in love without losing herself... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
- When to try harder... and when to walk away...
- That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
- That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over...
- What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
- How to live alone, even if she doesn't like it...
- Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
- Where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...
- What she can and cannot accomplish in a day... a month... a year.
The irony of having a zillion things to blog about is that I can't find the time to blog about them... and then I come across a handy-dandy list and feel compelled to share, especially in light of recent experiences, which, I might add, I am so totally over. I have learned that a) if the guy says he's an idiot, believe him; b) if he says you're too good for him, believe him; and c) if he says he's wasting your time, move on!
So, here, my lovely ladies is a Woman's Little Instruction Book (to be taken with a grain of salt):
- Never do housework. No man every made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
- Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
- Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in nappies.
- What to do you if your boyfriend walks out? Shut the door.
- The reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
- Go for younger men. You might as well ~ they never mature anyway.
- Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.
- Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
- Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
- Women don't make fools of men ~ most of them are the do-it-yourself type.
- The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
- The children of Israel wondered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
- Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
- Remember, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.
- Sadly, all men are created equal.
- The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of a "former boyfriend."
